Sunday, June 7, 2009

Twenty & Holding

According to my memory, which incidentally is pretty much going to the dogs, I’ve always been the kind of person who starts getting excited about their birthday at least 4-5 months before it actually arrives. For my first eighteen birthdays that I celebrated at home, I would usually subject my mother and anyone else foolishly patient enough to put up with this sort of idiocy to a freak monster countdown... “Only fifty three days to go! Are you excited? ARE YOU?!”

And today, here I am. It’s less than twenty four hours away from what I used to herald with as much fervour as the second coming of Christ... and I’m about as thrilled as Marvin the Paranoid Android, and roughly as much fun to talk to. The idea that I am perhaps too old and bored to manufacture the required amount of adrenaline for my birthday this time keeps dancing dangerously in front of my eyes.

That can’t be it though. I don’t feel that old. I still have my innumerable plans of world domination and debauchery like any other self-respecting Young Adult. Also, I’m only turning the big Two One, and will finally be able to do all those things legally that I’ve been doing since forever anyway.

Leaving my teens was happy and exciting and it meant that people would finally take me seriously. However, I didn’t like being twenty despite all the fun and learning and all the people. A week before my 19th birthday, I saw a brilliant exhibition on Samuel Beckett who I was completely unfamiliar with uptil then. It fascinated me so much that I googled and Wiki’ed him, and finally, read his only work that I could find easily in its original version at that place. Being twenty was exactly like reading ‘Waiting for Godot’ again - full of non sequiturs, uneasy silence and existentialist angst. So, I guess I should be delighted about my 21st... but I’m not.

Oh, and my two BFFs (I shall be guillotined for this term, I am sure), probably the two people who I want to be with the most on my happy day, won’t be there. Peter Pan is going on a much-needed vacation with his family who don’t generally see him that often. EmmVee... ah well, she hasn’t visited India in about half a century now.

Despite that worth-weeping-into-my-hanky grief, I suppose it’s not that bad. I mean, after all, it’s my birthday, damnit! It comes only once in 365 long days! And I do have a party plan with another June-born friend.

What is this mysterious miasma then that is smothering my usual birthday cheer?

Tuning in to the same batty channel at the same batty time will be useless. I may never be able to figure out what’s going on and find a cathartic resolution-of-conflict type explanation.

I think I’ll just go and grab my jar of peanut butter, and find my colouring book and my set of Crayola.

12 comments:

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

Happy Birthday, Bheegi!

Coconut Chutney said...

Gak i turned twenty this year too. the first thing i did was wear pigtails at home the whole week. even when my mom told me i looked like a freakovergrownbaby.


happy happy birhtday happy happy birthday :D

ishmeet said...

I'll turn 20 later this year and I'm not excited about it. Not at all. Contrary to your "people will take me seriously now" approach, I'm looking at a more "Shit, now people will take me seriously, have expectations of me and I can't really whine without any rhyme or reason anymore". :-/

20 definitely feels old. And responsible. And I'm not ready for either.

So Monday is the D-day right? Hope it goes awesome. Not gonna congratulate you now, will do tomorrow. Pray that I remember it. Because these graphs, sets, relations and stuff are mind-numbingly boring.

Gradwolf said...

happy birthday!!....and that was actually well written...

WT said...

Happy Happy Birthday!

wild iris said...

Happy burffay! :)

I'm turning 20 in a couple of weeks (yay, June) and I feel pretty blah about it. I know I'm not gona celebrate and read 'Anne of the Island' all evening, for some reason. Especially the part where she turns 20. I love Anne.

But I guess it ain't a big deal really, and it feels pretty much the same. Besides, I've been saying I'm 20 for the last couple months anyway, especially when I want to convince my parents to let me do "big girl" stuff. Bah. Besides, no one has time to hear that you're 19 years 11 months. People can be so mean. *end of digression*

So happy birthday again, have a great time and here's to many more to come :)

state of mind? said...

hey happy birthday!!!
i too m excited abt my day in adavance but not as mad as u r abt it....n yeah rchn 20 wasn't a great feeling for me too....its like stepping into the adult world...not that i did ny of it...but it sounds mature n all dat blah blah!!!
nywz njy ur day n make it big!!!

state of mind? said...

hey happy birthday!!!
i too m excited abt my day in adavance but not as mad as u r abt it....n yeah rchn 20 wasn't a great feeling for me too....its like stepping into the adult world...not that i did ny of it...but it sounds mature n all dat blah blah!!!
nywz njy ur day n make it big!!!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

appy budday child. 8th of june? easy date to remember i reckon. and if 21 you are feeling existentialistic angst, i should just totter into a grave and pull it in after me. sigh.

Drenched said...

BPSK: Thankee!


Chutney: Thankee.
Hahahaha! I haven't got that long hair for pigtails. Maybe I'll do it for my next birthday to shock my mum. :P


Ishmeet: Yeah, that expectation bit is there. The trick is to turn a blind eye to it, and not base your happiness or state of mind on all those expectations that are simply forced upon you.


Adi Padi: Thanks! Wow, a rare nice comment from you! Drunk or what? :p


WT: Thankee! Long time! :-)


Wild Iris: Thankee! And yay, June borns rock! :D
And I LOVE 'Anne of the Island' too. It's my favouritest book in the series.


State of Mind: Thanks! And yeah, so true about the "adult sounding" bit. :P


Cynic: Thankee. Yes, 8th of June. Whattay cool date, no? :D *raises collar*

Ms Taggart said...

Nopes.. u should not be feeling like that morose Marvin! You never will, either! :)
And kiddo.. its just a phase.. you will get excited about turning 25, see... :)

SK said...

Belated? Happy birthday :--D
You are only twenty??? Baby you are!