Friday, December 19, 2008

Two is Company

I think there are some distinct advantages of being a girlie girl - the bath gels, lotions, lip balms, shampoos, conditioners and all have the most gorgeous of names. I am not sure about other girls but I buy a lot of those products just because they sound nice. I have actually gone weak-kneed in stores when I see stuff with names like these written on them:

Acai Berries and Satin
Coco Mango and Pearls
Honeyed Pear and Silk
Tea Tree and Rosemary
Orchid and Coconut Milk
French Lavender and Jade Extracts
Diamond Dust and Champagne

I reckon the trick to naming a pretty product is calling it “______ and ______”. You see, it must be two things, never one.
By the way, I have no idea what the hell “Diamond Dust” is, but can you imagine using it to wash your face? Heavenly.

Oh, and “Tea Tree and Rosemary”... you know, it could be the name of some children’s tale and those could be the names of its lead characters. Wait, it already is...

*

It was a bright summer morning, and Tea Tree decided to visit his friend Rosemary. He walked on past the rosebushes for about half a mile until he reached the huge tree where Rosemary lived. He knocked on the bark but no one appeared. He knocked again and waited a while. Then, his patience ran out.
“Rosy!” he shouted, “Come on out! It’s a lovely day!”


Rosemary peered from the highest branch at Tea Tree in his cowboy boots and his sombrero, and a superb idea came to her mind.
“Tea Tree,” she called to him, “Could you please pick out some wildberries from that bush down the birch path?”


“What are you doing up there? Come downstairs!” he shouted back.

“Get me the wildberries first.”

“Whatever for?” Tea Tree looked up at her impatiently, irritated because he wanted to tell her about the rabbit with red polka dots that he had seen on his way.

“Just do it!” she called.

“First tell me why you need them.”

“Are you getting me the wildberries or not?”

“No.”

“What did you say?” her eyebrows shot up.

“I said, ‘No problem’. I’ll bring you your strawberries,” he mumbled loud enough for her to hear.

“Not strawberries. I want wildberries. Wait, I’ll just toss you a map for the wildberry bush.”

“No, I think I know where it is,” Tea Tree said.

“That’s what you said the last time too... the time you got lost, remember?” Rosemary giggled.

“I am telling you, I know where it is,” he assured her.

“Okay, but still take the map to be safe.”

“I don’t need a map. I can find it on my own.”

“Come on, don’t be stubborn. Here, catch!” she shouted, as she threw him the map.

“I told you I didn’t want a silly map!” he shouted back, ducking.

“Just get the wildberries!”

“Stupid bitch! Go and get them yourself.”

“Stupid bastard! I don’t need your bloody help anyway. I can very well take care of myself.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“FINE!!”

Morals of the story, kids:
1.) Men never ask for directions.
2.) Women always have the last word.


*

I know many such people.

13 comments:

Ram said...

I was wondering if you had turned into one of those sappy girls lie Madeline Bassett who think the stars are God's daisy chain or that "every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born".

Thank God you kept it real.

"Stupid bitch! Go and get them yourself."

Rohit Talwar said...

But they still throw maps.

Gradwolf said...

Women cannot read maps. How can they trust?

Preeti said...

The names and the smells...heavenly!

@Gradie: Men need maps cuz they dont remember. Women, on the other hand, remember 'everythin'!

Preeti said...

And yea, we juz dont bother wastin time readin what we already knw ;)

Drenched said...

Ram: Hahaha! Madeline Bassett is such a classic character. I love her... not for all her stars-are-daisy-chain jazz but for the reactions that she gets us from Bertie. :D


Rohit: And they always will... because men need them most of the times.


Adi Padi: Oh, shut up! Of course, we can read maps! I love maps, in fact. It's just that we don't want you silly boys to feel insecure. :p


Preeti: Hahahahaha! Yeah, perfect answer to Gradie! We're already so smart unlike men that we don't need maps. ;)

narendra shenoy said...

Drenched, that was totally brilliant!

I'm quite familiar with girlie product since Sheela is a compulsive buyer of beauty products. One other line of names is the "scientific". Stuff like SPF 20. I went "Oooh! must be some cutting edge molecule - styrocortic plylobacterium formitase or something" especially since it is priced in the range of most jewelry I used to buy for her when we were courting. Turns out it is Sun Protection Factor. Why something which has words a fifth class student could recognize needs an acronym is beyond me. I felt let down.

And yesterday we bought a Vichy product called "Pro Beauty Cream"

I rest my case

--xh-- said...

lol.. the end of the story was so unexpected... and yeah - did u say maps?

Maddie said...

True, men don't usually take to directions, but I have come across a few exceptions!

wild iris said...

Oh oh, brill story. Typical attitudes, weird names :D :D

And I've heard some pretty names without the 'and'. Like like "Caribbean Frost". Caribbean Frost , I tell ya! *glee*

Bharat Iyer said...

I'd be afraid of the 'Diamond Dust' particles entering my nose, cutting up my wind pipe or getting deposited in my lungs and killing me.

Interestingly, according to Wikipedia:

* Diamond dust, a meteorological phenomenon also known as ice crystals
* Diamond dust, used as an abrasive
* Diamond Dust and Other Stories, a 2000 short story collection by Anita Desai
* Diamond Dust, a 2002 mystery by Peter Lovesey
* "Diamond Dust", a recurring ice-elemental attack in the Final Fantasy video game series
* "Diamond Dust", a special technique executed by Cygnus Hyoga from Saint Seiya anime series
* Sweet Diamond Dust: And Other Stories, a 1996 short story collection by Rosario Ferre
* "Diamond Dust", the codename of a nuclear test conducted as part of Operation Mandrel and Project Vela Uniform
* "Baseball Diamond Dust", also known as brick dust, a mixture which absorbs water readily and is used to dry baseball infields
* "Diamond Dust", a song on the 1975 Jeff Beck album Blow by Blow
* "Diamond Dust Zone", the fourth level of the video game Sonic 3D

I've heard the Jeff Beck song. It's good. And it's a powerful attack in Final Fantasy. ;)

Wild Iris: That's an oxymoron. The Caribbean isn't cold enough for there to be frost. :P

Drenched said...

NS: Hahahahaha! I used to think of SPF as some hard to pronounce scientific term too... until I grew wiser. Soon, stuff like Pro Beauty Creams will have terms such as PBF written on it... pro beauty factor.


--XH--: YES. Yes, I said maps. Wonderful things, aren't they? You should check one out sometime. I'm sure it'll help you out a great deal. :p


Maddie: Yeah, and those are the kind of men generally worth talking to.


Wild Iris: Caribbean Frost! HOLY! *Drenched gasps and faints with happiness*


Bharat: Hahahahahaha! Dude, I used to think I'm a Wiki maniac. Now I know somebody who's worse. :P
Oh, and the fact that Caribbean Frost can't exist is precisely why we girls love such a term. ;)

Mumbai Diva said...

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